I'm not jealous, well maybe a little

Facebook isn't good for me.  Facebook isn't good for me, I wish I could get rid of it, but I know I can't.  Facebook is both one of the biggest social links I have to other people and at other times it's the biggest source of demotivational feelings in my life.  Let me explain.

I grew up in a lower middle class family of four.  My dad was a land surveyor and my mom was a musician playing for weddings and other events.  Our summer vacation was a weekend trip camping at the beach, most of our clothes came from Goodwill, we shopped for cheap bulk groceries at the outlet store, we only went out to eat on very special occasions, and our house was the smallest in our neighborhood.  However, until I was about 10 years old, I was mostly oblivious to this, I assumed that these were things that everyone did to save money.  Around the time I turned 10, the market fell out of the live music market and my mom was working substantially less, and we had to penny pinch a lot more.  It began to become more apparent that my family was different from others in our neighborhood.

When I was little I thought everyone earned their money and
that if you ever needed more you could just write a check.

Now, I had a friend growing up who lived up the street, I suppose we'll call him Zach here.  Zach and his family are heirs to a multi-million dollar estate and lived very differently from us.  When I was little I only really noticed this difference in the size of Zach's house, and when they'd be gone on month long vacations.  At the time I assumed it was because his parents were working really hard and earning all of the money themselves.  It was again when I was around 10, and becoming more money conscious, that I started to realize that Zach's parent's didn't have jobs and were living off of inheritance.

Years passed and when I was 18 I was very lucky to get a fairly large scholarship to attend undergrad in Colorado.  The scholarship made it slightly cheaper to go there than school in state (Oregon).  Still, even with scholarships and financial aid, the cost of college is outrageous.  I'm very grateful to my mom helping out with what she could for tuition, but I still had to take out large loans in order to cover the full cost.  While I was in undergrad I worked numerous odd jobs to pay down my loan interest and go out with friends on the rare occasions I had free time.  While earning the money and feeling more independent was nice it came at the cost of a decent amount of time and sanity. 

It's not my fault that you have to be somewhere in 5 minutes
and that we're not as fast as McDonald's.  Calm your tits and
 wait in line like the 20 other people in front of you.

For two and a half years I worked as a line cook and cashier in the food court on weekends.  While it was a good exercise in careful time management, it also showed me the dark side of college student behavior.  I have never felt more disrespected or worthless than when I worked there.  Many students would bark orders, call names, and generally talk down to the food service staff.  I don't think they (especially the incoming freshman) knew that a few of us were students.  Even if none of us were students, no one deserves to be treated that way.  Going to college is a privilege that not everyone is afforded, and anyone working a job like this deserves a certain level of respect from the people that they serve.

Oh damn it, and I just cleaned up all the money
from last week...

Now that I've given a little background on me, let's return to Zach and Facebook.  What prompted this post were some recent pictures that Zach posted of his upcoming wedding.  I haven't talked to Zach much recently buy I have watched what he's been up to on Facebook while I've been in college.  He went to college for a semester before dropping out and living at home again.  In the past four years I've watched as his parents have bought him a house, several cars, paid all of his living expenses, and taken him on all their crazy month long vacations twice a year.  And now that his wedding is coming up the number of lavish Facebook posts has intensified with pictures of the wedding venue, bachelor party craziness, where they're going on their honeymoon, and so forth.

While it would be nice to have all of those things, the only thing that I'm truly jealous of is the security that Zach and his family have.  They never have to worry about budgeting, paying for unexpected expenses, or worrying about anything money related.  They just have a large pile of inherited wealth that they can draw from to do whatever they want with.  It's the contrast between this way of living and my current position of worrying about finding a job after grad. school and paying back all of my student loans that has me feeling jealous.   I don't want a ton of lavish things, I just wish I didn't have to constantly worry.

Ultimately, I need to be happy in what I have now (an intern position that pays well, an awesome boyfriend), what I've accomplished (finishing undergrad), and where I'm headed, (grad school, and then an engineering job that will pay off my loans).  I really need to keep this trajectory in focus and stop comparing myself to other people.  However, it's hard at times to avoid these kinds of jealous comparisons when I'm stuck in a cubicle with nothing to do all day and Facebook as my only window to the outside.

Have you had a similar experience with Facebook, jealousy, and/or college?